


i knew i’d loved you then (but you’d never know)

by fathomless



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Spec, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 09:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fathomless/pseuds/fathomless
Summary: “I talked to you everyday for more than six years, you know,” she started, quiet but sure in her words. “Just you, Bellamy.”Or, after the war against Eligius, Clarke feels it’s finally time to tell Bellamy how she feels.





	i knew i’d loved you then (but you’d never know)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loverosie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverosie/gifts).



He found her sitting in the sand, waves lapping at her feet as she admired the stars above, and smiled softly to himself for a moment before moving closer. _If only he could bring himself to tell her what he needed to._

Their relationship since his return from space, and her return from presumed death, had been nothing short of difficult.

Throughout everything, though— the war against Eligius over Eden, the unexpected trouble from Wonkru, his relationship with Echo, the turbulence between him and his sister as a result of said relationship— Clarke was still his constant. Even at times when they screamed themselves hoarse over disagreements with one another, when they could hardly stand to look at each other as a result of the problems going on, she remained so. It turned out that, despite his initial fear of the disappearance of the relentless draw to her he had once felt all those years ago, it had only seemed to grow stronger upon seeing and coming to know her again. For that, he was grateful, even if it _did_ complicate things.

Silently taking a seat in the sand next to her, he pulled his knees to his chest, looking over to see her attention still seemingly focused on the sky above. He noticed the tension in her shoulders, how she was fiddling with her fingers in the way she only did when she was nervous. Gently, he reached over, encompassing one of her hands in his own.

Once again, she didn’t so much as glance at him, choosing to close her eyes instead. Her hand squeezed his lightly, and as he opened his mouth to speak in an effort to find out what was going on, she began to give him the explanation he needed.

“I talked to you everyday for more than six years, you know,” she started, quiet but sure in her words. “Just _you_ , Bellamy.”

He stayed silent, waiting for her to finish. It’s likely he couldn’t form a response even if he wanted to, though, considering the recent placement of his heart in his throat. _She talked to him for six years without knowing he was alive and he hadn’t so much as held out hope that she was okay. He gave up his faith in her, while her faith in him only persisted._ As if she were able to read his thoughts, Clarke squeezed his hand again once, then twice, trying to ground him. And it worked, for the time being, as her comfort usually did.

“I don’t— Bell, I don’t blame you for it. I didn’t blame you for it all those months that I spent alone and I certainly don’t blame you now. I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but you did what you had to do, and I’m still _so_ proud of you for it.” She took a breath, looking down at their feet in the sand before continuing. “I waited for so long,” her voice had grown shaky at this point, and she laughed despite the situation’s lack of humor. Her focus turned back to the sky. “I wasn’t even sure you were alive, or if you’d ever be able to come back even if you were.

“I’d sit with Madi, and I’d look up at the sky and imagine you were looking down here, too. It made me feel closer to you, I guess— not so alone. But you’re here now.”

Finally, she turned to him, eyes sparkling with unshed tears as they met his, filled with a multitude of emotions he couldn’t begin to properly decipher. They looked almost wistful, both happy and sad, and another of which he couldn’t identify despite its familiarity. Unable to resist the urge, he lifted the hand not connected to hers and carefully moved away a piece of hair that had fallen into her face. She leaned into his touch momentarily before looking away again, causing him to drop his hand.

“I—“ she struggled, blinking rapidly. He did for her what she had done for him earlier, squeezing her hand in hopes of providing her comfort from whatever was troubling her. She met his eyes again, apparently finding the strength she needed to continue, “I loved— _love_ you.” Her voice, this time, was smaller than he had ever heard it, albeit sure.

His heart, meanwhile, seemed to have stopped.

It was then that he realized the unfathomable emotion in her eyes as she looked at him earlier, and why it had seemed so familiar. It was _love_. She _loved_ him. Tears sprung to his eyes as they met hers yet again, and he swaps at a loss for words. She smiled, reassuring.

“I didn’t know back then, but I did. I loved you, Bellamy. When I loved Finn, when I loved Lexa. I loved you, too. I don’t think I fully realized it until you had left, but looking back, it was obvious. I would’ve done anything for you, to ensure your safety. And when you weren’t around, it felt like a part of me was missing. I failed to realize what all of the meant, though, because it just felt _right_. Loving you, it came to me as natural as breathing did. I didn’t have to think about it, no, but it was something I constantly did.” Tears had begun to stream down her face despite the small smile gracing her features and he moved without hesitation, wiping them away.

“Then we were separated. We both changed, and that’s nothing we can help. The universe put six years’ worth of time and space between us, God knows why. But i have Madi to take care of now, and you’re with Echo.”

“Clarke,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

At his apparent look of confusion, she interjected, “It’s okay. I want you to be happy, Bell.” She reached up, running a hand through his hair and resting it at the nape of his neck, rubbing circles into it with her thumb. Before he could speak, before he had the chance to tell her she was wrong, she continued, “I don’t want to get in the way of that. That’s not why I’m telling you all of this. I just wanted you to know. I love you. I love you so much that sometimes I feel like I can’t _breathe_ , okay? You don’t have to say it back, you don’t have to love me the way that I love you. You really don’t have to say anything at all, I just— I wanted you to know.” She sniffed, moving one hand to wipe at her face. “Sorry for rambling.”

He couldn’t look away from her. His mind was trying its hardest to piece everything together, but the only thought that stuck was that he loved her, too.

Losing her had been, without a doubt, one of the most painful experiences of his life. In the quiet moments under the Ring’s artificial lighting as he watched the burning planet below, his mind ran over every possible chance he had to tell her he had loved her. Because of _course_ he did. Despite that, though, he had been too afraid to tell her for fear of her not feeling the same, for fear of losing her. The timing had also never been right. It always seemed as though the universe was angered by the pull they felt to each other and tried its hardest to tear them apart as a result. He had accepted that he would have to live with the regret of never telling her.

But now?

Now she was in front of him, confessing that _she_ loved _him_ , and for once, everything felt right.

“Clarke,” he started, only for her to interrupt him again.

“Actually, you can— you can tell me later. It’s—“

“I love you, too,” he spoke up, watching as her eyes widened and a fresh bout of tears surfaced. “I’ve _always_ loved you.”

“What about Echo?” She asked, unsure. He shook his head, smiling.

“We ended things, that’s what I was coming to tell you. If you’d let me talk, you know.” She smiled brightly in response and he felt his own smile widen as his heart skipped a beat.

“Why?”

“We’re different people on the ground than we were in space. And she wasn’t you,” he stated simply.

“Oh.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and taking a breath. “Losing you was one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever gone through, Clarke. I’ve lived long enough without you to last a lifetime. But you have to promise me,” he paused.

“Promise you, what?” She asked, gently nudging her nose against his.

“That you’ll be careful. I can’t lose you again, Clarke. I’m not sure I could survive it.”

“I can’t promise you anything, but I know that if anything else happens, I’ll fight like hell to find my way back to you. Even if it involves coming back to haunt you in the afterlife.” She laughed, but he still found himself blinking back tears. “Hey.” She nudged him again. “I promise.”

Time stood still as he tangled one hand into her hair, bringing the other around to grasp her face before moving to close the distance between them.

_Two thousand, one hundred, and ninety-nine days._

_Three million, one hundred sixty-five thousand and seven hundred seventy-two minutes._

_One hundred eighty-nine million, nine hundred forty-six thousand and three hundred fifty-six seconds._

And his lips met hers.

He kissed her soft, gentle, her lips moving in tandem with his as her hands slid up to his shoulders, further grazing across his neck, and eventually settling on the sides of his face.

Kissing her felt like love, happiness, new beginnings.

It felt like home.

She _was_ his home.  
  
He would have been content with kissing her for the rest of his life, too, if possible, but their growing smiles eventually caused them to pull apart. She rested her forehead against his and they both began to laugh, smiling wider than either of them possibly had in their lifetimes.

She moved, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead, and he closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling.

“What has you so happy?” She asked despite already knowing the answer, nuzzling his cheek.

“You do.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“I love you, Bellamy Blake,” she whispered against his lips.

“I love you, too,” he whispered in reply, kissing her again.

 _Yeah_ , he thought, _a new beginning, indeed._

**Author's Note:**

> wishful thinking for the end of S5, hopefully everyone enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!! also ilym i love you mars, aka loverosie <3


End file.
